The Band

It has been said that a good band is greater than the sum of its parts. This kind of thing is made possible by lip-synching and hiring other musicians to play on the albums. The exception that proves the rule, 24 Hour Cardlock has always been exactly as good as the sum of its parts. Luckily, it has lots of them.

♦ Pacific Division
♣ Central Division

cp.jpgCabover Pete - vocals, guitar ♦ ♣

A former all-Alberta juvenile delinquent and potential long-haul trucker, Pete raised the money to buy his first guitar by scalping Immodium outside a Swiss Chalet in Red Deer Alberta. From there, a career leading a band was inevitable. Often mistaken for a member of another local band, Pete lists his future ambition as "to be rendered unintelligible by soundmen who are being paid in beer."

jake.jpgJake Brake - guitar, vocals, bouzouki, really long banjo, guitar
Often mistaken for a member of another band, Jake constantly astounds audiences with his virtuosity, despite NEVER having learned to play an instrument. Though he appears to have a deep knowledge of the guitar, Jake plays literally every note from memory. Audiences have been mesmerised for years by this simple, yet delightful trick. Jake also sings with the band, having learned his parts phonetically.
Rucky Ono - bass, vocals, guitar
Rucky hails from exotic Coquitlam, but over time has managed to develop an extensive English vocabulary. Rucky adds a richness to the band through both his unique approach and distinctive volume. The glamour-boy of the band, Rucky was hired almost exclusively because of his looks, connections, and alcohol capacity. He is often mistaken for a member of other bands.
Rubbertoe - guitar, vocals, guitar
Three words sum up Rubbertoe: Eggs, bacon and hashbrowns. The only thing this former Westlake Mall Grand and Toy Employee of the Month (Oct, '87) likes more than an all-day breakfast is two all-day breakfasts that someone else paid for. And women. And playing the guitar. And taking a nap. Actually, there are a lot of things.
Frenchie - guitar, vocals, keyboard, harp, guitar
Cardlock's peerless utility man, Frenchie can coax a pleasing tune out of anything that makes a sound--except Celine Dion, of course. Often mistaken on the street for a member of several other bands, Frenchie spends his spare time collecting bottles of mustard with his name on them, straightening his beret, and twirling his moustache.
Juvy Joe - drums, vocals, guitar
Joe's clean-cut good looks and stylish headgear make him one of Cardlock's tallest members. Frequently mistaken for a member of other bands, Joe provides Cardlock with a rock-solid rhythmic foundation and a station wagon for moving equipment. Joe has never been a life-long vegetarian with a best-selling book entitled "Healthy Cooking on the Highway."
Sticks von Cephus - drums, guitar
Many people believe that Sticks was born with a pair of drumsticks in his hands. This is a physiological impossibility, but there is some evidence that he spent some of his youth with a dry cleaning bag over his head. Often mistaken for a member of other bands, Sticks is currently perfecting a drinking game based on the Swimming Contest episode of "Who's the Boss?"
Bowin' - fiddle, mandolin, guitar
At 6'7'' and over 260 pounds, Bowin' would be the star of any band. At 5'9" and about 140, he's still a damn good fiddler. Born on a mountain and raised in a cave, Bowin' is often mistaken for a member of other bands. His speedy and powerful playing and questionable depth perception have secured him a life-long endorsement contract with the manufacturers of "Flexprotex" eye patches.
Banjovi - Lap Steel, banjo, electric mandolin, guitar, that other guitar
Though his face often gets him mistaken for members of other bands, Banjovi has other more distinctive features. Thanks to what might be the most specialised workout regimen in history, Banjovi is possessed of striated glutes so uniform that they are often used in the forging of armour for the Society for Creative Anachronism, whatever the Hell that is.
The Lonesome Roller - Guitar, lap steel, vocals, guitar
Little is known of the mysterious Lonesome Roller, apart from his magnetic attractiveness and uncanny resemblence to a member of other bands. Apart from that, all we can pass along is that he shoots left, plays right, and you'll never catch him if he gets a shift up on you.
Gravy - Gee-tar, banjo, guitar
Gravy knows every stretch of highway, and all he owns is up on his back. With a heart as big as all outdoors and an appetite to match, Gravy is always ready to greet a stranger with a smile, a big "Howdy" and a length of hose packed with wet sand. He ain't never been caught, ain't never been treed, and some folks say he looks a lot like a member of another local band. Pass him the boat last, if you want any for yourself
Bojephus - Bass, guitar
Based on the soon-to-be-released major motion picture of the same name, Bojephus features a sound track by Joni Mitchell, Led Zepplin, and Hermann Kreutzer. When he's not purchasing or researching new bass equipment, Bojephus likes to relax by listening to Pete swear about things. Thanks to his resemblence to members of other local bands, Bojephus was the co-inventor of the first consumer-grade inflatable gewürztraminer.

Legal-Eye Jerry - Trumpet, vocals, guitar
Jerry has amassed a small fortune, and large reputation, as the inventor of "pre-natal litigation"--and remains its sole practitioner, thanks to a patent he filed just prior to his own conception.  Jerry can often be found on the golf course, but redeems himself for this odious habit with his "play until your lungs bleed" mentality.  He looks nothing like someone in a band.


Der Fungle - Harp, keys, shakers, vocals, guitar
Der Fungle is another successful graduate of the Cardlock Achievement Reduction Program (CARP), through which successful, productive professionals are brought down to the bands level, and hopefully, stay there.  Underneath his exterior resemblance to members of other bands, Der Fungle is a trained physician (with a specialty in online urology, though we're basing that on what we saw when we glanced at his laptop).  Der Fungle is uniquely qualified to explain just what the heck David Carradine was doing.  But he won't.


Capt. Screwmaster - Drums, bass, guitar
In addition to his undeniable talent and sometimes problematic resemblence to members of other bands, Capt. Screwmaster is also an accomplished lifestyle consultant and life coach.  His philosophy is perhaps best summed up by the Capt.  himself:

"Look, I don't understand why you are being fussy about this!  It's beer:  You drink it; you take your shirt off; and you fight!"


Alka Bongo - Drums, guitar
Al has a reputation for being a two-fisted sort of a fellow. This is handy, because he can hold a stick in each fist, and then use those to hit things, and this is exactly what the person at the back of a band usually does.  Kismet?  No thank you, he's more of a IPA with a brandy chaser kind of a guy. After five of those, Al looks a lot like two people in other bands.


La Bronca - Bass, guitar, guitar
You will like La Bronca.  Seriously.  It's just a lot less painful for everyone that way.  She looks like someone in another band, but don't tell her that, or your ribs will never heal properly.  Once scared something so bad that it ran away to the farthest corner of the planet and changed its DNA just so she wouldn't get mad at it.  It didn't work. She's pretty choked about it.